The Man's Favorite
Jokes & Cartoons
"The Secret Service
has announced it is doubling its protection
for
John Kerry
You can understand why - with two positions
on every issue, he has
twice as many people mad at him."
-Jay Leno
"We make jokes about it but the
truth
is this presidential election really
offers us a choice of two well-informed
opposing
positions on every
issue... OK, they both belong to John Kerry,
but they're still there."
-Jay
Leno
"John Kerry will undergo surgery
to
repair his right shoulder. He
originally hurt it when he suddenly switched
positions on Iraq."
-Craig
Kilborn
"President Bush listed his income
as
$822,000. You know what John Kerry
calls someone who earns $822,000? Not
even
worth dating." -Jay Leno
"Well the good news for Democrats,
now
over half the country can identify
a
picture of John Kerry. The bad news,
the
majority still thinks he's the dad
from The Munsters."
-Jay Leno
"John Kerry accused President
Bush of
catering to the rich. You know, as
opposed to John Kerry who just marries them."
-Jay Leno
"They say John Kerry is the first
Democratic
presidential candidate in
history to raise $50 million in a three-month
period. Actually, that's
nothing. He once raised $500 million with
two words: 'I do.'"
-Jay Leno
"Today, John Kerry announced a
fool-proof
plan to wipe out the $500B
deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's
going
to put it on his wife's Gold
Master Card." -
Craig Kilborn
|
A man takes his wife to the State Fair and
one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls.
They come up to the first pen and there is
a sign that says "This Bull mated 50
times last year".
The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and
says "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked a little further and see another
pen with a sign that says "This Bull
mated 120 times last year."
The wife hits her husband and says "That's
more than twice a week! You could learn a
lot from him.
"They walk further and a third pen has
a Bull with a sign saying "This Bull
mated 365 times last year."
The wife gets really excited and says "That's
once a day. You could REALLY
learn something from this one."
The husband looks at her and says......"Go
up and ask him if it was with the same cow."
A State Farm Insurance Agent was on his way
home from work in NY City, came to a dead
halt in
traffic and thought to himself, "Wow,
this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's
even moving.
" He notices a police officer walking
back and forth between the lines of cars,
so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer
what's the hold up?"
The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton
is just so depressed about all the New Yorkers
making her
the butt of so many jokes, she stopped her
motorcade in the middle of the freeway and
she's
threatening to douse herself in gasoline
and set herself on fire. She says her husband
is
running around on her more than ever and
the Democrats told her to forget
about the presidency in 2004. So we're taking
up a collection for her."
The State Farm Agent asks "Oh really?
How much have you got so far?"
The officer replies "About 4 1/2 gallons,
but a lot of folks are still siphoning."
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